Monday, November 18, 2013
A Car Conversation
Some of the best talks I've had with either of my sons has been in the car going to and from school. This morning, after dropping Benjamin off, I asked Cava, "What do you like about being in a family?"
He shrugged. "I dunno'."
"You don't know anything you like about being in a family?"
Cava thought for a few moments before answering, "Birthday party, presents . . ."
"Yes, those things are nice, but what do you like about being in a family that doesn't involve you getting stuff."
"You can't think of anything?"
It was clear that Cava was getting frustrated and so I told him. "That's okay, Cava," and I let the subject drop.
To my surprise and delight, just before we got to his school, Cava said, "Papa."
"I like having a good brother like Benjamin. I like having a Mama and Papa who loves me. That's what I like."
Through all of the ups and downs, it has truly been a miraculous blessing to have the gift that adoption has brought our family. What I liked most about his answer was that he mentioned Benjamin first. I expected him to say that he loved Danelle and I, but it made me happier that he thought of his brother before us. Amidst their bickering and fighting, there, beneath it all is love. Benjamin has loved Cava right from the start, but for Cava, loving Benjamin back and learning what it means to be and have a brother has been harder for him than in his being able to accept and love his new Mama and Papa. So for him to start off his answer to the question, "What do you like about being in a family" with recognizing Benjamin not only as his brother but as being a good one that he loves, is a huge step for him. He is beginning to see Benjamin not as competition like the other kids in the boarding school were, but as a sibling. It really does amaze me the progress Cava has made in the ten short months he's been here.