It never ceased to amaze me the questions we got when we we going through the adoption process and even after we adopted Cava. People asked questions that they would never dare ask someone having a biological child. And, having talked to a great many other people who've adopted, they have experienced this, too, so we're not alone. Some of the people who were must skeptical of our adoption came around to seeing why God called us to do this amazing act called adoption.
So, when we once again found ourselves at that crossroads of will we or won't we act on what we truly believe God's call, we decided to trust Him and the plan He has for our family because we saw how beautifully He has worked before through our family and how the adoption of a child can have a ripple effect on others, especially when they, too, decide to adopt. This time, we thought we would not have to battle the same resistance that we did the first time, but we were wrong.
No sooner have we told people that we were going to host a young girl from Ukraine that we had met while we were there, then they immediately ask, "Are you going to adopt her?"
We answer truthfully that we don't know. We don't even know if she is adoptable.
This is when the question has constantly arisen, "Then why would you do it?"
I am taken aback by this.
More than one stressed how hard it will be to say goodbye to this girl again, particularly once we become even more attached to her than we did in the brief time we were there in the boarding school where she lives.
My response is this:
Yes, it will hurt. But God never said anything would be easy. Am I to be guided by my fear of being hurt or out of my obedience to God's call for our family?
I do not believe in accidents or chance. I believe God has brought this girl back into our life for a reason. I don't know the whole reason, but I trust Him and that is enough for now.
We do know that, for the short period of time we will host her, we will have an opportunity to not only show our love, the love of a family to her, but, more importantly, the love of God to her. We have a chance to let her know that she may not feel like she matters or that she's important, but that she is. In just over two years since we last saw her, I have thought of her every day and prayed for her. Our family has prayed for her. She matters to us. She is not forgotten.
When I saw her face in that hosting photo, I saw an answer to two years of prayers.
She was not a nameless orphan to me. She was a beautiful child who God brought into the lives of my family again. And to think it all started with me opening a door for her. A simple act and yet one that had profound impact on her. Since it was a glass door, I saw her still standing there after I closed it. She look confused and unsure of what happened. Only later did I realize that this may have been the first time someone saw her. Really saw HER and had extended kindness to her.
After that, she would sit outside our room and sew. She always smiled at me, a shy smile. I drew pictures for her. She drew pictures for me (and I still have them). One drawing was a simple, child's drawing of a heart and she communicated through gestures that it was her heart for me. On another day, I was coming down the stairs of the building as she was coming in. She came up to me, thrust out her hand for me to shake it. I shook my head and opened my arms. This girl immediately came in and hugged me tight as I hugged her.
When we left the boarding school, as other kids we met were smiling and telling us good-bye, I noticed her in the back, crying because she realized we weren't adopting her. Our hearts broke. During the two years, those tears have stayed with me. I asked God repeatedly why He would even put her in my life if that was the end of it. God knew. That was not the end.
Am I afraid of the hurt I will feel when I put her back on the plane to return to Ukraine after we host her? YES! But this will not be the same hurt I felt when I left her back in Ukraine, the pain of feeling like I had somehow abandoned her (though I hadn't and would have readily adopted her if I could).
There is a lot of uncertainty in hosting her. We don't know if God has more planned than the month or so she's here, but we will take the time we do have with her and show her love, show her that she is of great value and worth. We will let her know that she matters to us.
We are just taking the time with her as just that. This is what God is offering us now. I am grateful and overwhelmed that He is. He has heard my prayers over this young girl. Those prayers did matter. This girl does matter. That is why we are hosting.